You Cannot Not Communicate

“Genius is the ability to put into effect what is on your mind.”-  F. Scott Fitzgerald

The foundation, building block, essence of all that we do is based on our communication. We are always communicating. Even, our act of silence is a form of communication.

You consciously or unconsciously decide how to communicate with yourself and others. Yes, at times it is tough communicating your message and you may want to give up.  Yet, remember the words of my friend (well, a friend in my mind) Les Brown “You are bigger than your circumstances or your life situation.”

It was in 1997 I came across this notion of “You cannot not communicate”, at that time it was an absurd and ridiculous statement in my map of the world. Until I came across the image of a Japanese person bowing down to greet while in response a Western person extends his/her hand to reciprocate the greetings.

This is a complete mismatch but both individuals are correct in their way of greetings. Their cultures have taught them that this is the best way to greet. So, you can easily see a message has been communicated in such a scenario.

Both individuals could easily take offence and can accuse each other of being rude. On the other hand they could realise they need to adjust their greetings thus the communication being a good one.

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No matter what you do, you are always communicating. The communication is happening through mediums such as verbal (language, words, sentences), non-verbal (body language, gestures, emotions) and voice (tone, pace, volume).

Indeed writing is another element but the most important critical one is the communication that is happening within yourself. When a person is unable to communicate with himself or herself in a positive and productive manner than the outcomes are not pleasant.

Your ability to communicate with yourself is crucial and then only it gets easier to communicate with others. It is what is known as rapport. Rapport is all about creating the essence of trust, respect, understanding and cooperation, which all beings within you.  It involves the use of all of your senses consciously.

For you to achieve success continuously comes from understanding yourself. To do this you have to comprehend your own perception of the world. Your perception impacts and influences your decisions and behaviour. A classic error that most of us make is blaming others but this leads to sabotaging our own success.

This simply means to know how to communicate better with yourself thus achieve better outcomes for yourself. You need to realise every action you take, word or sentence you say is firstly dictated with the internal communication happening in your mind. This is where the true battle is and not out there.

In a recent interaction with a loved one of mine in her current situation and to add fuel to the fire with her internal communication she has decided to sacrifice her dreams and aspirations for others. In her communication with herself the picture she has painted is of gloom and doom. Her belief in that picture is so strong that her communication of silence clearly shows she is set on a path of becoming a martyr.

Your external communication reflects from your internal communication. It is seen through your body language, heard through your voice and through the words you use. Many people think it is about the outside appearance but what is happening internally matters more.  Indeed, first impression matters but when there is no substance to you than that first impression is useless.

In a world where most of us measure success through material wealth and fame forget the foundations with great ease.  Our focus is towards earning money by hook or crook and in this journey we forget to communicate with ourselves effectively.

There is an immense pull at worrying about what others think rather than what you think for yourself. People die with all kinds of regrets and the number one regret for people on their deathbed is “I wish I’d cared less about what other people think.” In order to move away from such a regret start the internal communication of compassion and care for yourself.

My name is Rohit Bassi and I am the founder of In Learning. My mission is about sowing the seeds of passion to help you outperform yourself by enhancing your core critical skills of communication, leadership and collaboration. I have delivered workshops to the likes of Oracle, Harley-Davidson, Emirates NBD, Emaar, Alshaya, Baskin Robbins, Mazda and many more. Please feel free to contact me via rohit@in-learning.com or call on +971-(0)55-553-2275.

Five Secrets of a Great Listener

A music group called Mike & The Mechanics sang a line in one of their songs which said “You can listen as well as you hear”.


The line is so true as most of us have a habit to hear and this differs to listening. Listening in simple terms means you make a 100% attempt to understand the other party. You avoid assumptions and actively listen to what the other is expressing.
The five secrets of a great listener is no rocket science, they simply are:

1. Active Listening – It’s about making a decision to listen. This means to let the other speak and you through repeating, paraphrasing and reflecting to understand what the other has said.
2. Stop Interrupting - Always let the other finish what they are saying. This is the easiest way to give respect to them. It shows you are giving the them time to process their thoughts and the opportunity to express these thoughts by letting them speak.
3. Body Language – Ensure your eyes are focusing on the person rather than wandering around looking at other things or people. You body posture and hand gestures should come across as helpful rather than being aggressive. Nodding while you listen is a great sign of keeping rapport with the customer.
4. Write – Most of us tend to forget things quickly. So, carry a small notebook/pad to jot notes of your discussion. Always let the other person know you will be taking notes thus indicating you are taking their permission to do so.
5. Ask Questions – Always remember to ask appropriate questions. In other words it should be related to the others needs and wants. It allows you to display to the person you are interested in what their requirement is and by eliciting questions you are clarifying their requirements. Too many questions may come across as an interrogation, so please be careful.

Ideally, we need to be aiming for compassionate empathic listening. 

My name is Rohit Bassi and I am the founder of In Learning. My mission is about sowing the seeds of passion to help you outperform yourself by enhancing your core critical skills of communication, leadership and collaboration. I have delivered workshops to the likes of Oracle, Harley-Davidson, Emirates NBD, Emaar, Alshaya, Baskin Robbins, Mazda and many more. Please feel free to contact me via rohit@in-learning.com or call on +971-(0)55-553-2275.

Power of Three: Secret of a Quality Voice

“It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”? 

Our voice can easily communicate the wrong message to the other person. This wrong use of the voice combined with unfriendly words and body language can make the situation worse.

The three secrets of a quality voice are simply:

1. Pitch Power – When your pitch is high it often informs the person you are anxious or upset. You may come across as unfriendly and are unaware of how to behave with others. A medium pitch comes across as more serious and authoritative. Great to have but some people may see it as being autocratic and rigid. Be careful, a smile will help here. A low pitch could make the other person feel you lack confidence and may not trust you.
2. Tone Truth- I have often heard my close friend say to me in anger “I don’t like that tone of voice!”. This basically refers to the combination of various pitches being used to set a scene or a mood. Listening to the tone of the voice you are able to envisage whether you are friendly or unfriendly. In essence they portray your feelings.
3. Speed Strength – When someone speaks as fast a speeding train it is extremely difficult to understand him or her. This will especially make the other person feel you are anxious and in a rush. While someone who speaks at a moderate pace it certainly is easier to comprehend him or her. Speaking very slow will surely make the other person lose interest and many a times the other person will believe what you are saying is not at all important.

Our voice tends to mirror our inner feelings and great caution is advised on how you use your voice. Remember when your voice comes across as annoyed, impatient, or condescending, the listening party could easily get difficult with you. 

My name is Rohit Bassi and I am the founder of In Learning. My mission is about sowing the seeds of passion to help you outperform yourself by enhancing your core critical skills of communication, leadership and collaboration. I have delivered workshops to the likes of Oracle, Harley-Davidson, Emirates NBD, Emaar, Alshaya, Baskin Robbins, Mazda and many more. Please feel free to contact me via rohit@in-learning.com or call on +971-(0)55-553-2275.

12 Year Old "Public Speaking" Superstar

Words cannot express the awesome attitude of this self leading 12 year old superstar. 

In 2014, I was approached by the father of Markus to assist his son in becoming a greater public speaker. My first reaction was that I want to talk to your son. I want to hear from him that he wants it and not the parents. Also,  if he wanted this than he should feel comfortable with me in coaching him.

Well, to cut a long story short he was very enthusiastic about the whole idea. Our journey began so that he could be ready for a UAE inter school public speaking competition. All I asked Markus was to follow my lead and at any point he has any questions or doubts he has to inform me immediately.

The final results, he won the F1 In Schools Verbal Presentation Award. His parents and him have show me great appreciation for all my efforts with him. The truth is Markus had the passion and drive to make a change for himself, he worked from the inside out rather than focus on what the outside world was expecting out of him.

In 2015, Markus connects with me and informs me he wants to refresh his skills. He felt he had to be re-energised and refreshed in the art of public speaking. Once again, his parents gave him immense support. Only challenge, this time he would have to attend a session in a group rather than one to one coaching. More daunting then that was the group would be adults such as Directors, Managers and Business Owners.

Without fear he joins the session and to the amazement of these senior individuals he simply outperforms himself. These seniors were flabbergasted with his confidence and acumen to speak with great finesse in front of all of them. More importantly, they extremely appreciated his evidence based feedback to their public speaking skills.

Without a doubt Markus is a SUPERSTAR and has gone beyond his limits to create wonderful rapport with the adults. Many adults ignore the importance of developing their public speaking skills but Markus clearly understands the impact of this vital skill at the age of 12.

Markus thank you for being my ongoing student. I look forward to interacting with you throughout your life and being a part of your support system in the ups and downs of life. 

The journey has just begun, good luck Markus, you simply rock!!!

My name is Rohit Bassi and I am the founder of In Learning. My mission is about sowing the seeds of passion to help you outperform yourself by enhancing your core critical skills of communication, presentation, public speaking, sales, customer service, leadership and collaboration. I have delivered workshops to the likes of Oracle, Harley-Davidson, Emirates NBD, Emaar, Alshaya, Baskin Robbins, Mazda and many more. Please feel free to contact me via rohit@in-learning.com or call on +971-(0)55-553-2275.

You Lie & Your Breath Stinks

My friend (certainly a friend in my mind) Tony Robbins says: “Initially style is more important than substance. If you don’t have the right style, you won’t get to share any of your substance.”

First impressions play an important part in how customers feel about your organization. Think, about your own interactions as a customer. You have been a customer numerous times and as a customer, you have choices.

So, as a service provider, just remember that your customers have numerous choices. If they are not happy with the way you treat them, they can go elsewhere.  So, your treatment towards the customer does matter.

Think about your own interactions as a customer. You are likely to remember service that is either outstanding or awful. Mediocre service is simply forgotten.  The first impression is the introduction of the organization to the customer.

People do make judgments based on your initial appearance. If you take a deep look inside yourself, you probably judge people by their appearance too. We tend to assume many unwarranted things, just based on appearance alone.

Some of these being:

1. General grooming
2. Cleanliness
3. Clothing
4. Tone of voice
5. Attitude
6. Non-verbal language (e.g. posture, gestures, posture)
7. Individual’s personal style

Self image and first impressions do matter, they matter a lot. The could make or break the relationship with a customer.

Rohit Bassi is the founder of In Learning and works with you so that you can outperform yourself. He works on the premise of “Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway®” and the "100 0 Principle". He has carried out work for organisations such as Oracle, EMC, Alshaya, Baskin Robbins, Mazda, Emirates NBD, Emaar and many more. Please feel free to contact him on rohit@in-learning.com or call on +971-(0)55-553-2275.

Powerful Words: Use with Caution

We are always communicating. Even, our act of silence is a form of communicating.

Verbal, non-verbal, vocal or written for all of this we use words. Words are extremely powerful which can lead to creating, developing and growing a relationship. On the other hand words can be destructive and can easily sabotage and kill a relationship. 

This relationship could be with your sister, brother, mother, father, friends, work people or your lover. The most important of all the relationship is the relationship with yourself. 

So, even in our silence we have our inner voices that talk to us and say things to us. These inner voices use words with us to communicate with us, these are our inner thoughts.

We should be more aware of what we say to others and to ourselves with these words. Some words are extremely powerful and should be used cautiously. These common words we use day to day without realising they cause more damage than helping us and others. 

These words being:

• But – "You look beautiful but....". Notice how the "but" immediately deletes what was said before it. "But" is the sledgehammer to anything you say. It has the ability to diminish or negate the phrase that precedes it. Note "however" is soft way to say but, so should be avoided as well. Instead replace the "but" with an “and”. 

• Should – "You should have...." . Amazing how "should" arouses a sense of feeling guilty. It's one of the worst words to use in scenarios where the solution applied has not worked. Then someone says "we should" or even worse "you should". 

• Don't –  "Don't think of a pink elephant". I am sure you thought of an elephant or pink colour or thought how will a pink elephant look like. The brain finds it difficult to process something said in the negative. It has to do that act to comprehend what "don't" meant. So, if you end your email saying "do not hesitate to contact me" then you are really telling the person not to contact them. Maybe you could replace this with "feel free to contact me"

• Try – is consider a disguised word for failing. "Try" is seeking or giving the permission to fail. Remember Nike slogan “just do it”.  You replace the "try" with "do your best" or "I will do my best".

• Why – this word easily makes a person feel defensive and find justifications for his/her actions. Instead use the word “how” or “and”.

Words can make you move backwards or forwards. Be selective in the words you use with others and especially the words you use with yourself.

Trust through Rapport

Your ability to relate to yourself and others is very important in whatever you do. Rapport is all about creating the essence of respect, understanding and cooperation. All of this involves the use of your senses:

• Visual
• Auditory
• Kinesthic

In public speaking/presentations for you to influence, persuade and convince someone requires for you to connect with your audience using positive rapport thus establishing trust with them. Sometimes, this is not easy.

I still recall during my third year in university when I did a presentation to my classmates and the lecturers. In my eyes it was a disaster although I passed the session. What dawned on me was that we were never guided on how to present. In fact when I rewind back into my university years this essential skill was not present in our lecturers and in most of their session the entire class would simply fall asleep.

For you or I to influence, persuade and convince the most crucial thing is to establish within ourself the IKO of a Great Speaker. Thereafter you need to  relay to the audience:

• Who you are?
• What you do?
• What is the purpose of your talk?
• How it impacts (benefits) the audience? 

You need realise every action you take, word or sentence you say is dictated by the VAK representational system. The patterns of your language reflect whether you are connecting through visual, auditory, or kinesthetic means.

This pattern you use gives an insight on how you think and how your brain is sorting information. So, it necessary to know your audience has a pattern too and you need ensure you consciously utilise all of the VAK representational system to connect with the audience. Not all of them will relate to your pattern so you need to adapt.

One of the tools you could use to build positive rapport with the audience is through mirroring and matching. This includes:

• Verbal (words and sentences)
• Non-verbal (body language, gestures, emotions etc)
• Breathing
• Voice

Knowing this will allow you to connect and stay connected with your audience. Thus permitting you to create and develop a very deep positive rapport which leads to influencing, persuading and convincing the audience at an unconscious level.

Seven Body Language Secrets

Your attitude is very easily projected through your voice. Furthermore, it is projected through your non-verbal communication. In simple terms, this means your body language.

 The five core elements of body language being your:

1. Posture 
2. Facial expressions
3. Gestures
4. Head motion
5. Eyes

So, for all those individuals in sales, customer service or client facing roles please be aware of these seven body language secrets:

1. Your facial expressions can make a world of difference when you are communicating with others. Be careful how you express with your mouth, eyes and eyebrows. Do you want the eyebrow raise action of the Rock?
2. A smile is the easiest way to communicate with another individual. Generally speaking, people who smile tend to come across as happy. This makes its easier to communicate with them. Smiling is great way to establish a rapport. In certain cultures please be aware of who to smile at.
3. With your eye contact you can build trust however staring at the other person to death may just do the opposite. Many people believe that our eyes reveal our thought and feelings thus creating a bond which means you are more likely to pay attention.
4. In many cultures speaking with your hands can be very helpful while in others you have to be conservative with your hand movement. Use your hands to draw someone's attention to an important point, count using your fingers, and if need be use your whole arm to emphasize certain feelings.
5. Ensure your are in a positive state of mind. This will allow you to appear sincere and comfortable with your own body language.
6. By placing your hands in your pockets when communicating with someone may come across as being impolite or rude.  Furthermore, fiddling with an object, or making obscene gestures during a conversation can be extremely off putting.
7. When you see someone with a good body posture you get a sense of confidence from them. Your body posture reveals how much you care about yourself.

A very important thing to remember is that your inner feelings have a direct impact on your body language. So, be good with your inner thoughts.