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Saturday, 23 March 2013

Love is Life


Love is what you live for. 

Love for life, love for others, love for work, love for money and much more; more importantly, the love for yourself. Imagine if you were true to this emotion, the true nature of humans.

When you look at love closely its foundation is compassion. Compassion could be defined as the empathy for the suffering of yourself and others. It is important to look within for you to gain a state of compassion which leads to love.

To gain this state let us focus on three things:
  • Trust – this is having belief in yourself, learning and knowing your true inner self
  • Openness - having the ability to be flexible and adaptable in all situations
  • Passion – the emotion, feeling and the pure positive energy that comes from the heart and soul

 Life is simply about love. Imagine, you being in this true state.

Thursday, 21 March 2013

Taking 100% Responsibility for Your Experience of Life


You are consciously or unconsciously making a choice for all aspects of your life. It is so easy for you to become your own worst enemy thus sabotaging your own life.

Aspects of your life such as relationships, career, finance, personal growth, family, friends, leisure, contribution, hobby and spiritual growth are something you need to take 100% responsibility for.

This awareness and realisation could be considered as your greatest blessing in disguise. Taking 100% responsibility for your experience of life means:
  1. Avoid (stop) blaming anyone else for anything you are being, doing, having or feeling. You are the cause of your reaction, be aware of your emotional state. Know the "ABC" and "AUC" Principle of Success
  2. Avoid (stop) blaming yourself. Do your best, remember it’s  all about learning and growing. Blaming another or others never resolves a problem.
  3. Knowing where and when you are not taking responsibility so you can eventually change it. Learn to view them as a feedback on how you could improve yourself.
  4. Handling your “chatterbox”, the internal voice of gloom and doom. Negative thoughts can be very powerful. Yet out of the negative comes the positive (think about how we get a picture from a camera).
  5. Being aware of the “payoffs” that keep you stuck. In every situation we are in there are some benefits we achieve even though they may not be beneficial to us in the long run.
  6. Figuring out what you want in life and acting on it. Initiate a Purpose Driven Life, seek within and develop a purpose in life.
  7. Being aware of the many choices you have in any given situation. When making a choice let go of the outcomes. With attachment to outcomes we become a slave to our uncontrollable desires.        

The above seven points have been extracted, inspired and modified from Susan Jeffers book called Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway®.

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

The Meaning of a Customer


A customer is the most important visitor on our premises. He is not dependent on us. 

We are dependent on him. He is not an interruption of our work, he is the purpose of it. 

He is not an outsider to our business, he is a part of it.

We are not doing him a favour by serving him, he is doing us a favour by giving us an opportunity to do so.


-Mahatma Gandhi
  

Thursday, 14 March 2013

My Dark Side - Loneliness, Emptiness, Anger, Fear


Sometimes you may feel lonely and empty for some reason or the other. The loneliness and emptiness just gets to you. So, you wonder why this is happening. You distract yourself through friends, family, yoga, music, work or something else. Yet within you the loneliness and emptiness just gets to you. Your thoughts, feelings and energy really focus deeply into this. You seek answers yet no conclusion is reached.  And at such a point you wonder is there any point living such a life? Is there any purpose to continue with such a life?

This is when some of you break away and get to the other side for a brighter, joyful and blissful life. And many of you to this date still struggle. For some the journey for a better now is simply easy while for many of you such is not the case. Many of you are simply standing in front of that brick wall finding a way to get to the other side.

On this journey you all take different paths and yet all of us want to reach to the same final destination. For some of you the journey is pleasurable however for some the journey is too arduous and exhausting. And when you are exhausted you start giving up hope, trust and faith. You feel all the energy from within you has been sucked out.  You start breaking down and every step you take just takes you to another dead end.

Some of you just get up and move on.  And when you do this you are in the process of finding your way to the other side of the brick wall. It is these few who get up and keep moving on somehow work out how to make their life’s brighter, beautiful and joyful. 

As you continue on this journey for many it seems still difficult and tough. You might say you need someone physically to be there with you for you to continue as the path is too lonely. In fact, you believe it is so lonely and tough that you just have no strength to move on from this point. You give up and get deeper into our dark side.

Your dream of having that brighter, beautiful and joyful life is paralysed by your fear.  Your fear of loneliness, emptiness, separation and anger for things not happening your way kills your dreams and aspirations. You simply become inhumane. Your faith, trust and hope are crushed and you lack compassion. No longer are you that individual who was energized by those powerful loving dreams.

A number of you call this reality, that this is the way of the world. Is it really truly the way of the world???  Just because you have been crushed does it mean you follow the same path as others or do you get up and make that decision to make a change for yourself. For it is only when you make an abundant change for yourself you are able to attain a brighter, beautiful and joyful life. 

Till the day you die you will remain in learning. You never stop learning about your life. Either you can take such scenarios as your learning or decide to box them as your failures, mistakes or even success. The choice is to embrace uncertainty. Yes, situations do occur where you are unable to have control over them. But you decided do you let these situations make you cruel, savage, brutal, severe, harsh, grim, unkind, heartless, unsympathetic, hellish, depraved, barbarous, pitiless, and un-compassionate or you rise above all this and simply become more compassionate and loving.

You have the great ability to be aware and realise your dark side. You have a strong force within you of becoming a vibration of negative energy or abundant positive energy. You have the power to embrace uncertainty with compassion and love. 

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Purpose Driven Life


We all look for a purpose in life. There are a few of us out there who are sure of their purpose in life. One of the easiest ways to give you a sense of purpose is to set a goal or even goals.

Once you set a goal you are now on a journey of having a sense of purpose. With a sense of purpose there is less internal conflict. You now get into the realm of "ABC and AUC Principle of Success”.

With less internal conflict you now strive to have a good relationship with yourself.  So, you build a strong positive rapport and connection with yourself. Now “The Five Truths about Fear” are easier to follow through.

When you are on this path and as you begin to form a good relationship with yourself it leads to forming and maintaining a good relationship with others. With this in motion the “Seven Essentials of a Happy Life” become much easier to apply.

At the end of the day what really matters is to build ourselves from the ‘inside – out’. This is "Your Life", be true to yourself.

Sunday, 10 March 2013

Your personality is of "SUE"


Personality can be defined as a set of qualities that make an individual distinct from another individual. Our personality includes our beliefs, values and experience. The personality of you and anyone you know is of "SUE":

Social experiences (especially from childhood)

Unique experiences that you have had in your lifetime 
Environment in which you grew up, and how you had to act

Psychology Today states "Questions of personality have vexed mankind from the dawn of personhood: can people change? How do others perceive me? What is the difference between normal and pathological behavior? One's personality is so pervasive and all-important that it presents a clinical paradox of sorts: it is hard to assess our own personality, and impossible to overlook that of others."




Saturday, 9 March 2013

Expectations (Desires/ Wants)


We all have expectations (desires/wants) from our self and others. No point in denying or saying that you have no expectations (desires/wants) because that is total bull and you can smell it as well.  Wohhhh, it really reeks, stop it. All of us, yes all of us have expectations from our self and others.

Stop lying to yourself by saying”I have no expectations (desires/wants) from anyone” because then you are simply deceiving yourself, you are repressing your desires, your wants.  Wake up and smell the coffee, just admit to yourself you have some kind of expectation (desires/wants) from yourself and others.

 In simple terms expectations (desires/wants) is the act or state of looking forward or anticipating. All of us in one way or the other are anticipating something from someone out there. You know you are and so just face up to it and for once be truthful to yourself.

We as humans have a natural tendency of having expectations (desires/wants). So, sue me!!! for having expectations (desires/wants). This is the way Mother Nature made us.  Everything is absolutely right in having expectations (desires/wants); it’s simply the way we were designed. Think about it this way when you have no expectations (desires/wants) you are in state of hypothermia.

As explained in the wonderful Wikipedia "Hypothermia is a condition in which core temperature drops below that required for normal metabolism and body functions which is defined as 35.0 °C (95.0 °F). Body temperature is usually maintained near a constant level of 36.5–37.5 °C (98–100 °F) through biologic homeostasis or thermoregulation. If exposed to cold and the internal mechanisms are unable to replenish the heat that is being lost, a drop in core temperature occurs. As body temperature decreases, characteristic symptoms occur such as shivering and mental confusion."

The end result of hypothermia is death.  So, when you have no expectation (desires/wants) you simply die slowly but surely. With expectations (desires/wants) there is the obvious thing of pain. However as the old saying goes "no pain no gain".  Think about when you wanted something you go through the motion of giving it your best shot.  And if you really, really want it you will go to the end until it is attained.  You have a sense of achievement when you get there.  Especially, when you get there you overlook the entire struggle, all the pain and trouble you have gone through.  You simply enjoy that moment. Just ponder and go back into memory lane. You will surely find at least one example of complete sweet satisfaction when your expectation was met.

On the other side you may say I had expectations of having a beautiful loving relationship, earn plenty of money, have a family, have lots of friends and drive a fancy car and much more but those expectations, desires, wants were not met. And at this point you may start pointing the finger at others. This moment can be extremely frustrating and irritating and you might just say why the "f***" does this happen to me.  Why do I have to suffer in such a way? 

Whatever it might be that did not meet your expectation causes some kind of bitter feelings. Some individuals manage to snap out of this bitter phase very quickly and move on with their lives. For some it takes a bit longer and for some the bitterness of the expectation not being met just simply makes them bitter for the rest of their lives. 

In the last scenario by remaining in the bitterness you start hurting your close ones but at the end of the day the person who you are hurting the most is yourself. And when you keep on hurting yourself you are no longer good to another and you are no good to yourself.  You simply become worthless at this junction.

So, having expectations (desires/wants) is a great thing in order to move forward in life however be warned if you let your expectations (desires/wants) take control over you then you are bound to be doomed.  It is best to control your expectations (desires/wants) rather than them controlling you.  Manage your expectations (desires/wants) as best as you can and this only comes through living and experiencing your life.

If you fall in the process, then that is fine, however get up and start moving again. I am sure when you were a kid you fell down. When that happened you sobbed and cried lying there on the ground.  After awhile, finally you got up and started moving again wiping the tears of your cute cheeks. 
 
In the same way we need do this as grown-ups. Simply get up and move on. We should remember what we learned from that incident so we can hopefully minimise disappointments of the expectation not being met if we are faced with the same situation.

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

"CIDER" Effect for your Team


Positive team development is an organized effort to improve team effectiveness. 

Conflict is a very common within a team. Conflict is a process that begins when one party perceives that another party has negatively affected, or is about to negatively affect, something that the first party cares about.  

A high performance team is able to minimize conflict by the implementation of the "CIDER" effect:

Communication
Interaction
Development
Empowerment
Respect


Remember your personality directly impacts your and the performance of your team. With individuals sharing responsibility, your organisation can take advantage of all of the collective talent, knowledge, and experience of each team member. 



Rohit Bassi is the founder of In Learning and works with you so that you can outperform yourself. He works on the premise of “Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway®” and the "100 0 Principle". He has carried out work for organisations such as Oracle, EMC, Alshaya, Baskin Robbins, Mazda, Emirates NBD, Emaar and many more. Please feel free to contact him on rohit@in-learning.com or call on +971-(0)55-553-2275.

Madno - My Love, My Beloved


Madno is a Kashmiri word and it means my love, my beloved. I heard the word in a song that was played in the Hindi movie Lamhaa (means moment). 

Have you ever loved someone who you could call your love, beloved, madno?  Think about it.  And if so, does that person to date still brings that special smile to your face. For some, tears may just flow when you think of the person, these simply being tears of happiness when you think of them. While the tears gently roll down the contour of your aging face do you smile, do you actual feel peaceful? 

Does that person always come to your mind? Wherever you are and whatever you do you feel that person’s presence? For some strange reason this person's beautiful and colourful image is always there. It so ingrained within you that no one can take it away from you. There is a sense of calm and perfection when this person simply appears in your mind and thoughts.

You may be oceans apart and last saw the person several years ago but somehow the memories were simply like yesterday. On the other hand that person is still with you, loving you and taking care of you. Could this be your madno? 

Only you know in your heart and soul if that person is your madno. It is your feelings.  No matter what others say to you, you will somehow know that person is your madno.  You may not be together anymore yet at peace that your madno is just fine.

By the way you might have different madnos in your stages of life and all of them may be special to you in one way or the other. We are humans and then life happens which takes us on different paths, each of us have to finish our own journey.

Life is mysterious; you will never know what will happen next. For all you know the next breath will be your last breath.  And when you take that last breath will you have regrets. Regrets that you did not do your best, regrets you hurt your loved ones, and regrets you did not live your dreams. 

Regret you never told that person that they are your madno.

Monday, 4 March 2013

When A Man Loves A Woman


We all hear about how a woman always gets hurt in love. We always hear about how the woman sacrifices all that she has for the love of her man. Then we continue to hear how agonising and extremely painful is for her to be parted from her love. A woman is symbolised and immortalised as being the ever giving demigod of love. She will put her beloved's wants and needs before her own.

Now stop and wonder for that split second a man can also go through the same. Okay, women out there might find it extremely difficult to put themselves into a man’s shoe but for the moment at least give it go. Some women might just be rolling over and laughing at this thought. In fact a lot of them might find the whole idea completely absurd and insane. However, just entertain yourself for a moment and just imagine/see, hear, and feel it.

Just like a woman, a man quenches for the love of his woman. A man wants to feel secure and loved by his woman. He too goes through the motions of not feeling loved by her woman. He too feels that he is being ignored by the one who is dearest to him. A man goes through the same agony of being parted from his beloved.

Yet a man is not permitted to show these emotions or fully express them. If he shows those emotions or fully expresses wanting the one dearest to him he is considered by the woman as needy and a weak individual. It is believed by our society and drilled into our minds a man has to be the strong one in the relationship, the one who should be leading; the one who should keep the emotions within until asked by a woman to show them.

A man feels resentment (as much as a woman) when his beloved is not for him. However, the moment a man expresses those feelings of the want and need of his woman he is considered by the woman to be a boy throwing his toys out of his pram. He is not mature enough and so should not even be in a relationship.

Through the centuries the man has sculpted himself in such a way that emotions are rarely shown and so a man is generally categorised as being emotionless and insensitive. For a man who shows those emotions and is sensitive the woman quotes him to be “spineless”, “pathetic” and “sad”. 

It is extremely easy for a woman to point the finger at a man. Like a woman a man is made of flesh, blood and pain. He to feels he that his windpipe is being squeezed and can't breathe when his love one is not there for him. He too feels the hurt piercing deep in his heart. He too cries on those lonely nights thinking of his beloved. He too has sleepless nights.

Psychotic behaviour (such as taking an overdose of sleeping pills, cutting your wrists, stalking, giving death threats, physical abuse) from either a woman or man is never the right thing. It is unfair for both parties to emotionally blackmail their so called beloved. Just remember the saying ““If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.”

Both men and women are equal. Both actually feel the same, when in love.